i just dont understand how there are parents who will do anything for their children and then their are the ones who wouldnt.
that they dont care how their kids feel on how they live their lives. you try so hard to tell them to care about them, that they mean something to you, that you dont wanna see them struggle that you want them to be healthy and be successful like they wanted you to be when you were younger.
it sucks to know that their our some parents out there who will always pick men and a shitty life style over their kids. they choose to miss out on the important things in their kids life. wheater its graduating high school, college, a trade school, having a baby, getting married etc. because they would rather be in a shitty life than be there for the kids you helped make and the ones that you brought into this world. they would rather be with a man who beats them, and be addicted to drugs even tho they tell you “i dont do them as much as i used too” it still means you are doing them and dont give a rats ass on how they are STILL slowly killing you and ruining your appreance, even when you say the whole reason you started them was to improve what you didnt like about your self….guess what its just making you look old and sickly, doing drugs just means that you dont give a shit about your life or those around you and those who love you very much.
it sucks to be unable to sleep at night because your worried about wtf is going on in the life of the parent that is supposed to be the responsible one, when you should be sleeping or thinking about what your baby is gonna look like and planning things for your baby but your mind is too concerned with if tonight will be the night you get that phone call that your parent is dead in a ditch somewhere or has overdosed and is the hosptial in a coma. its not something that you should be worried about when you have a life growing inside yourself. it drives me to be a better parent that what i have as an example because its like ive poured my heart out over and over, ive cried myself to sleep at times because im so scared and so worried.but then i get angry at myself because its like why the fuck should i care about you when you dont even care about yourself…then i get pulled back to the fact that i came from you…then its why the fuck does that matter when your hurting me every time you put the fucking needle in your arm. but does that matter no it doesnt
ive pleaded with you to get your shit together and to try to make yourself a better person and to get away from that life YOU MADE YOURSELF. but it seems that you have made a bed that your are fucking comfortable lying in!!!!
you have seen how badly you hurt everyone of your children and yourself but still you have no motavation to get the help you need.
i told you that either you stay or u wont be around when that significant time in my life comes around did you think i was kidding?!?!?!?
even that notion wasnt enough for you to want to change, im expirencing this on my own, getting advice from my job, from my DR. your too busy with your little fucking BOYfriend and those fucking drugs that you cant even get your shit together for your first grandchild, for your own flesh and fucking blood that needs your help!!!
you threw away the ONLY chance i was willing to give you because you cannot live with out your fucking drugs! and the fucking douche bag you think you love!!!!!!!!!!!
i dont care if this hurts your feelings because you have hurt my feelings and broke my heart for the last time. I am completely done trying to help, i cannot help you because you dont want to help yourself.
i have prayed to God that he would guide you back to the path of rightousness but it seems that your too far gone from him that me asking isnt enough!!!
im angry with myself because ive given you plenty of chances to get together ive endured so much because of your habbits, then men you had in and out of my life..not just me your other kids as well…
ive been on my own for a long time, ive grown up faster than i wanted to because of u…ive tried to escape the past but it always comes back because you havent changed a bit….
i look at my past and yes i see me living my life as you minus the drugs because i have never done them nor will i start because despite how ugly i am and fat i still love myself alot then to lower myself to that level, i strive to be better, to have a better life, to keep the man that truely loves me and the father of my soon to be born child, the man i will marry because i dont want to be like you!!!!!!
no matter what you think. i love you with all my heart but im done with the crying and worrying and the feeling like shit because i cannot help you!!!